Why are some times in life so complicated and hard? Why do some days, hours, or minutes seem miserable, unfathomable, unbearable, indefensible, intolerable, impossible and/or unbelievable? How come sometimes no amount of deep breathing, love, beauty, support, understanding, enlightenment, wisdom or meditation seem to help sooth the soul? What makes some moments just rougher than others?
There are times when it is just impossible to let go of what’s bugging the mind and bothering the spirit. A nosy neighbor’s comments; the rude guy is the grocery store line; a dust up with a friend. There are times when no matter the amount of effort, things just don’t feel right and can’t make sense. No matter what, it just seems impossible to free the mind from the preoccupation and the dreaded rumination. I call these times my Magenta Moments.
Magenta Moments are impenetrable. No matter how hard I try to shake loose from them or dispel their effects, I don’t seem to be able to get rid of them. Magenta Moments come in all lengths and strengths. They seem to always be anchored in some sort of problem, conflict or issue. And I’ve learned that for me, they have a life of their own. They must go through all their stages of development in order to naturally dissolve and disappear.
I suspect Magenta Moments come when the emotional defenses are down- when someone’s words have offended, a loved one’s actions have hurt or because of a new or an old deep loss. In a sense, Magenta Moments are like a cold, striking when the immunity is down. They sneak around in the dark and inch their way into life.
I used to think it was a weakness to have Magenta Moments. I believed that I was the only one who had them. I assumed they happened because I’m too soft, too weak and ever so sensitive. After all, I’m frequently told I’m too sensitive (which normally leads to a Magenta Moment, but I digress). So, I reasoned, this frailty must be why I have Magenta Moments.
I’ve come to learn that Magenta Moments happen to everyone. Not everyone calls them the same, but they happen to all of us at one time or another. When they do happen to someone else, they are invisible to me and only detectable to the person having them. But, I sure feel and sense their effects. A recurring or prolonged weirdness between friends; a relationship dwindling down; an episode with a colleague. More often than not these are created, or at least amplified, due to someone’s Magenta Moment, and not necessarily my own.
So, I no longer consider Magenta Moments a sign of weakness in me. I’ve learned to be kinder to myself. I’ve learned to accept that Magenta, much like shit, happens- to everyone. The point is to understand that and allow time for the sufferer to heal, whoever that may be. I don’t hold it against anyone who has a Magenta Moment every once in a while. And now, I no longer hold it against myself either.
Life has ups and downs and we do the best we can to go through them. If a Magenta Moment pops its bright head up once in a while, causing chaos, so be it.
Here’s to all the moments of life, even the brightly colored ones.